dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i think im in europe. pls send help
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
