I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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