I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
