my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
