I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
