to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need to align my fucking chakras
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
