i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
