i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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