I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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