my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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