Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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