Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
