i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
