I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
