i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
