my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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