I was born with a shot glass in my hand
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
