getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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