Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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