the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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