she looked like the before picture.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
