Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
