who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
