yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
