i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she smelled like a LAN party
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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