Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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