the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
