she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
