I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
