I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
high people should be assigned attendants
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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