she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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