Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
