I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
