"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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