white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
