i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
