so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
