You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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