Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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