i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
