I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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