Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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