He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
