I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
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she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Two words: blizzard sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?