I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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