I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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