It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker