Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon

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(717): and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon http://tfl.nu/u9ei

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.

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(717): so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine. http://tfl.nu/pias

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people

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(203): I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people http://tfl.nu/sj5w

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex

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(202): the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex http://tfl.nu/fw26

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(802): View more from Vermont

my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...

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(802): my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night... http://tfl.nu/tx5p

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(707): View more from California

its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me

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(707): its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me http://tfl.nu/kg6n

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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(508): He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely". http://tfl.nu/dfux

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(845): View more from New York

i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

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(845): i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over. http://tfl.nu/5sx1

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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(262): Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears. http://tfl.nu/gqzu

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(310): View more from California

I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub

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(310): I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub http://tfl.nu/zgaw

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(408): View more from California

My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?

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(408): My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/68pr

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(334): View more from Alabama

It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.

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(334): It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls. http://tfl.nu/cfx1

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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(215): so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/j7g1

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed

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(570): I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed http://tfl.nu/7vip

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.

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(306): Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face. http://tfl.nu/y8xh

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