nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store