i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
