Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
