this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
