my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
