Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
