he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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