good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
not ubering you a puppy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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