So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
