they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
