Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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