my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
