Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
