um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They took my balls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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