You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
