I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
