i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
