its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize