Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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