just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
