what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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