so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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