your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
