The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
